You made me cry and you don't even care
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This baby is an asshole
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize