Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Let's get the cat blown out
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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