the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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