I wannas sexs uuuuu
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
