I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
