His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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