I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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