I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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