i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
