my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Randomize
