areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
