I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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