so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
