I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
