you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
