He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My bed is full of blood and feathers
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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