Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
