You can't special order awesome
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
