do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
