Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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