How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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