I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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