Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
