doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
