In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I did not marry a roomba.
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