Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
