I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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