and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
