There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize