I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
