you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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