haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
