kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
