Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
