I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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