We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
