woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize