I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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