real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
She announced her abortion via fbk
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
