cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
