Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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