He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
