I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
