shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
