Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
