just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
