Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
