you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
