Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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