Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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