very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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