complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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