There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
