hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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