I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize