Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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