the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
