in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Be still, my beating vagina.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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