I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
