Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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