Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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