why didn't you poke me back
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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