saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize