So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm too high and old for this...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
