mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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