There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
