is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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