$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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