How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
